sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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