we made out on top of his cat.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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