I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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