the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
