You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
