i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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