There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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