OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
