I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
