God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Bring me that man meat
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
