I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
