I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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