he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
