New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
