i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
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