Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
