he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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