I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
