i would punch a child for taco bell
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
