U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
