Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
