I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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