In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
We named our party play list daddy issues
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
did you just send me my own nude
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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