Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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