I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
