Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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