mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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