dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
