You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
