The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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