My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
