ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
