your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
