i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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