he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
