My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
