Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he fucked my hip out of place.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
