My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
