who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
