Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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