The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
