if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
