FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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