He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
