She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
