Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
