I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
