part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
