sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
