It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
