Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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