I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
