So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
