Define "chronic" masturbator.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
