So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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