Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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