you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
