It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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